Hitler's Second Front
Never in the History of Military strategies, has any one plan been so effective. Swift, well timed, well-defined attacks were consistently ordered up. Air support, logistics, supplies, and surprise were all elements of every invasion, and they worked better than any previously proposed war plans developed throughout history.
Time after time, invasion after invasion, the Naziís moved like a well-oiled machine. No failures, minimal casualties, and overwhelming victories were beginning to be commonplace; Holland, Poland, Austria. Governments fell, borders ceased to exist, and Germany was beginning to be a much bigger empire.
Then, in the late summer of 1941, an invasion was launched that made no military sense, code-named "Operation Barbarossa". Historians have pondered why a war machine would divide itself; "divide and conquer?" All of the precise planning, logistics, communications, and military strategies were still developed, but now the army was at fifty percent, trying to fight on a second front; Russia.
History has recorded that it was Hilter himself that ordered this second front. He had made numerous military proposals in the past, and many of them were sound decisions. How could he have made such a mistake? A mistake that eliminated any chance for a German victory.
I have the answer.
11:17 AM, April 14, 1941
ĎWhere did this moron come from?" The Officer demanded.
"ReichMarshall Wagner, this is Willie Barbarosa, he is the son of the gardener, the Fuhrerís special rose gardener; Heir Barbarossa. The man who keeps winning those awards for "Best of Show" at all the horticulture Fairs."
"The Fuhrer would win "Best of Show" if he submitted a stinkweed, but what is this fool doing in the meat locker, humping one of the kitchen help?"
"ReichMarshall, the cooks give the gardener, and his son, brats and bier or what ever they would like for a morning snack, as they were ordered to do by the Fuhrer. The boy is known to be an idiot and apparently he wandered around the kitchen after his snack and sweet-talked the young lady.
It is said that he is hung like a mule, and the girls are more than eager to slip off with him."
"Lieutenant, Must I remind you, that at noon, the Fuhrer is meeting with a very special guest. He is to meet one of the new military strategy experts, and the Fuhrer wishes everything to be perfect on this occasion.
"Get some clothes on this fool and get him out of here, get him off the property, do you understand, Lieutenant?"
"Very well, dismissed."
"Sargent, get some clothes on this boy, clean him up, and slip him through the back service entrance and out the gate."
11:28 AM April 14, 1941
"Stop Dumbkoff, those pants are filthy and they smell like cowshit, you canít parade through here smelling up the place, wait here while I find you some clothes. Put on one of those shirts from the kitchen laundry while I am gone." Ordered the Sargent.
Handsome, 6í 4" tall, with wide muscular shoulders, Willie was a very intimidating man. But he did not have a mean bone in his body. He had been found to possess the mental skills of a 6-year-old. Willie worked the rose gardens with his father, he was never was in trouble, and he usually kept his mouth shut. He would sing or repeat the conversations around him, but he did not have the ability to create a meaningful dialog.
Willie checked a half a dozen shirts before he found a rather dressy one big enough to fit him.
11:34 AM April 14, 1941
"Try these pants and do not mess them up, they look expensive. Tuck in you shirt and get your ass headed east. Move, time is of the essence."
"East, essence, move" Willie said.
"Just get moving." Demanded the overworked Sargent.
11:44 AM April 14, 1941
A group of security guards passed the Sargent and Willie just as a clerk yelled "Sargent, you have a message from Ivan, the Russian meteorologist. Storms, Stalingrad is going to get pounded and then Moscow will get hit even worse. It is a bleak outlook . . . . . ."
"I DO NOT have time for this shit right now. Let me take care of this dimwit, I have to get him out of here before its time for the military strategist and then I will get back with Ivan."
"Wait a minute" pointing at the security guards, "you take this guy to the gate. Is Ivan is still on the line in the wardroom?"
"Stalingrad, pounded, bleak" Willie repeated.
11:56 AM April 14, 1943
Escorting Willie down the corridor, one of the guards said, "You must be a hot shot, getting an escort?"
"Strategist" Willie said.
"Oh, I see sir, excuse me. Can we be of assistance to you?"
Willie said "Hitler at noon" "Yes Sir!"
While Willie was getting his escort, Hitler was in deep conversation with SS leader Heinrich Himmler, being informed that Heir Mueller was very young, but brilliant. It was true that he was a little eccentric, as most of the young strategists were, but absolutely brilliant when it came to predicting invasion strategies. "I have never met Mueller, but based on his Polish plan, I would trust him with the future of the Reich" said Himmler.
Hilter paced, hands behind his back, deep in thought, when there was a knock on the library door. "Enter" Hitler said. The doors swung open and two guards remained at the entrance and two guards escorted Willie into the room.
"Heil Hitler" was shouted and everybody but Willie raised his right arm. Slowly Willie raised both arms, and said "Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler . . ."
"Very Good" Hitler said, looking at Himmler. "It is my pleasure to meet you, Heir Meuller. I have heard about your precise predictions in the polish invasion, excellent!"
But Willie just said "Heil Hitler" again, and everybody snapped to again, and again Hitler looked at Himmler, with a very questioning look.
"You are excused" Himmler said to the guards, and as they turned to leave.
Willie said "Bier!"
Himmler told one of the guards to bring in three biers. "Would you like to sit down at the - "
"East" Willie said, "Get our ass to the East. Time is of the essence."
"Excuse me?" Hitler questioned.
"Surely you donít think we should go east, starting a second front, the Fuhrer and I are going to -"
Willie interrupted "Stalingrad gets pounded, Moscow even worse."
"But we have all winter to re-arm, and set up small raider groups to gather intelligence about the Russian troop placements." Hilter said.
"Time is of the essence" and before Hilter could speak, Willie announced "smells like cow shit."
"Cow shit? Iím sorry Heir Mueller, but there is no way that I can -"
"Tuck your shirt in, get your ass moving east"
"Iíll have you shot, you moron, you are speaking to the Fuhrer" Himmler roared, but Hitler shut Himmler off.
"Moron, Dumbkoff " Willie uttered.
"WAIT A MINUTE! Wait a minute, what is the last thing the Russians would expect us to do right now?" Hitler beamed. "Invade them, invade them soon, just at the wrong time of the year, weeks before winter arrives. There is no way they could be expecting an invasion!"
"But My Fuhrer, I think we should -" Stuttered Himmler.
Willie interrupted, "Donít mess your pants, they look expensive."
"Thank you, they are the finest." Hitler said.
Himmler was staring, with his mouth open, as Hitler put an arm over Willieís shoulder and led him towards the conference table, discussing the possibilities of a early fall invasion.
Willie said "Bier" and Hitler ordered Himmler to find out what was holding up the biers. The doors opened and a guard carrying a tray with three large steins appeared, along with a young man holding a briefcase.
The young man said "Heil Hilter" and everybody followed. Willie raised both arms, bumping and flinging the tray of bier about ten feet in the air.
"I am sorry I am late, but -" The strategist apologized.
Willie interrupted saying "My bier, I donít have time for this shit right now, let me take care of the dimwit. Get him out of here."
The guard grabbed the man, his briefcase, and the tray, escorting the young man out of the library when Willie hollered "Bier."
"Yes, bring more bier" Hilter yelled.
Himmler was cleaning the bier off his glasses and was pretty sure that he was losing his mind. Hitler was buying this strategy; something had to be done. "Donít you think we should study this? What about the western front? If we could secure our position along -"
"Barbarossa" Willie said.
"Excuse me?" Himmler said.
"Operation Barbarossa, I get it, very good, very good" said Hitler.
"Where can we assemble everybody to lay out the final plans for what will be the greatest surprise invasion in the history of warfare, who should be there?"
"I want Helga again, in the meat locker" said Willie.
"Did you say meat locker" Himmler was stammering "whoís Helga?"
Hilter started doing his little goose step pacing, a smile on his face, a glitter in his eye. "Meat locker, security, I get it." He was elated!
Himmler had his eyes closed and was rubbing his temples.
"Yes, who is Helga? Hitler said.
"Helga will make all the moves, you just lay back and wait, Helga can do it all" Willie said. "She will make everything work, time after time after time!"
"Very Well" Hitler said. "We will call a general staff meeting, scheduled at the meat locker, including Helga. Make the arrangements Heinrich."
"Tell me, do you know anything about Roses? I have a passion for roses, and I wondered if by chance you might be able to give me any advice about those beautiful creation of nature?" Hitler inquired, taking Willieís arm.
"Roses are my life" Willie said.
"Really, how wonderful my dear, dear friend, if you would follow me out to the . . ."
The rest is History!
Home | Stories | Poetry
Mail the Blizzard Guy your thoughts