Predictions
to Live By
by
Gary Grenier
Copyright, 2002
5:58 PM Saturday,
October 13th
"Please folks, I'm running late.
Excuse me. Thank you. I'll sign autographs on my way out, but
I'm supposed to be on the air in 2 minutes. Excuse me. Please
let me by, thanks."
The Bears suck! The Bears suck!
Go Blue! Go Blue! Go Blue!
Jordan will score 64 points tonight!
3rd round knockout for Sampson. LSU by 4 points over Tulane.
Eagles Number 1! Philly all the way!
Once inside, the Director said
"Christ Steve, straighten your tie and get on the set,
could you maybe get here 2 minutes sooner?"
"I got a damn speeding ticket and
then the cop wanted to talk draft picks!"
- - 10 seconds to live broadcast; . . .
5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - go
"Glad to have you with us Sports
Fans, this is Chad Sterling in Chicago, hope your team is a
winner. You are the Big winner every time you join us at
ESPD, keeping you up to date on sports, outdoor activities,
and competition from around the world."
"Tonight we have late breaking
baseball news; the season is over! That's absolutely fabulous
news for Football fans, because we are well into the 6th week
of the collegiate season. We will quit yanking your chain and
get right down to the "X's" and "O's";
defense, defense, and more defense. All of the big powerhouse
teams are thankful for a 2 point victory this year, parity at
the University level is up and running. Gone are the days of
50+ point victories." "We have a slew of upsets
again today."
"We switch you now to Tom Troutman
with his exclusive coverage of the post game locker-room
coach's summary of Notre Dame's 1 point lose to underdog
Iowa. If you can't stand a little foul language, you may want
to turn the channel to 'Andy of Mayberry.' Bobby Flanders is
NOT a happy camper and his team was aware of that as soon as
he opened his mouth; take it away Tom!"
- - Cut!
"I barely made it on the set, I
was so late. Have I got time to take a leak, what's the Notre
Dame feed, 60 seconds?"
- - 2 ½ minutes, have at it Steve.
"Thank God, I could have whizzed
right over the boom mike."
Limping to the men's room, Steve
Bokowski, A.K.A. Chad Sterling to millions of sports fans,
mumbles and bitches all the way off the set.
He severely twisted a knee 3 weeks
earlier in a lunch hour "Non Contact" football
scrimmage and life has been less that sweet since then. He
has been notified that his apartment building is going
"Condo" and he has less than a month to find
somewhere else to live. Packing up and dragging 4 years worth
of trash and accumulation down 3 flights of stairs, loading
trucks, unloading trucks, sorting and placing all that junk
into a unit he has yet to lease, is not his idea of fun.
Last week, Bonnie, Steve's long time
squeeze, required 6 Bloody Marys to get up the nerve to
loudly inform him that she didn't mean for it to happen, but
her heart and several of the other vital parts of her body
have moved in a new direction, but she would like for her and
Steve to remain friends. The crowd at Captain Charlie's Crab
House was thoroughly entertained!
Today he just got a ticket and was
nearly late for "College Game Day" on the Country's
most popular television sports program.
By far, Steve's biggest worry came to
light last Monday morning. The Station Manager, Don Douglas,
called in the entire College Football commentator team,
informing them that his granddaughter could pick more winners
than anyone of this group. If they were bored or lacked the
enthusiasm to do a little research and check the
probabilities for victory, then there were only about 3
million American men waiting to replace them. Everybody was
dismissed except Steve.
Don just paced for a while and then he
asked Steve if he had any idea how many correct picks he had
made this season? Steve started to remind Don of the unusual
number of upsets and last minute turnovers, but Don
interrupted.
"Twenty-three percent," Don
bitched. "You have been correct twenty-three percent of
the time. You almost have to try to be that far off, and your
pals are not much better.
"We are supposed to be the
Experts. People are supposed to look to us for accurate
predictions, for some honest insight into the probabilities
for victory. We not only should be able to be consistent
predictors, but we should be able to tell these fans why
their school is going to win or lose. Sports Illustrated just
ran their weekly Collegiate picks and managed to include ESPD
in the summary, I quote; 'If you need a little extra cash,
watch ESPD for their picks, reverse the bet and you could be
on easy street.'
"Well, starting this week, we are
going to challenge them. We are going to record our picks and
keep track of them on a scoreboard, individually and as a
group, and if anybody falls below fifty percent, It's been
nice knowing you. Now go out there and tell that group of
sports expert want-to-be's about the new format and they had
better take this seriously!"
Steve heard somebody yell '60 seconds
to live' as he finished up in the can. Was this really the end, could he be thrown out
in the street after so many great years in sports? Ohio's All
State High School Football Team, four years of record
breaking play at Michigan, two of those years as an 'All
American.' The Blue Gray Game, Senior Bowl, two Rose Bowl
victories. Three years as a first string receiver with the
49er's. A crushed vertebra ended that career but he was in
the broadcast booth by the following September. Two years of
ABC play-by-play and then a dream contract with ESPD. Could
his career be taking the same route as the swirling water he
just left in the John?
"Thanks Tom, coach Flanders has a
much broader vocabulary than I assumed, hot tempered is
somewhat of an understatement. Wait until next weeks' loss to
Michigan State and you will really hear some Irish language.
"As I predicted, Indiana put a
whipping on Northwestern. The final score is not indicative
of the real game as the bench allowed a late Northwestern
touchdown; 35 to 33. Staying with the Big Ten, Illinois and
Penn State tried to give away the game with a total of eight
turnovers, four of them interceptions, but Penn State pulled
it out, 17 to 14. Penn State is going to need more than home
field advantage to stay up with Ohio State next week.
"The Michigan defense is good, and
for their size, fast, but Minnesota's quarterback, Dirk
Paterson found that out 'up close and personal' after he was
carried off the field mid-way through the second quarter.
Paterson showed up during the fourth quarter, but in street
clothes. In Minnesota, Joyce Meredith has the first of two
reports about Paterson and the Wolverines, Joyce."
The show had about six minutes more to
run and all of the crew were in the upper sixty percents for
correct game outcomes. 'Chad', Steve was at eighty-two
percent. As a group they were at seventy-four percent.
Two commercials and a review of the
polls and Steve found himself saying, "Join me tomorrow
morning for a complete collegiate recap and a check on the
new polls and there should be a number of changes. Have a
Great night and I'll see you tomorrow."
6:48 AM Sunday, October 14
Chad, could you sign this 'For Pete'?
Thanks! Great predictions this week, what about UCLA next
Saturday?
"UCLA, but close; I'm sorry about
yesterday, I was so late I didn't have time to talk with
greatest fans in the Midwest, who else needs an
autograph?"
What did I tell you about Sampson's
third round TKO? Bears will upset Green Bay by twenty-seven.
Those have got to be the greatest fans
in the world to stand out there in the rain for an autograph.
Steve went to the teletypes and checked for late
international sports news and settled down at his desk to
review the entire collegiate football scene. He noted some of
the late westcoast scores and the showcased Saturday night
games. Florida State 21 - Virginia Tech 18, UCLA 14 - USC 13,
LSU 28 - Tulane 24.
Another Rumanian Olympian tested
positive for drugs, and an USA ski team member cracked an
ankle, but the big story was Tiger Sampson's third round
knock out of Middleweight Champion Jesse Johnson. Sampson
mauled Johnson the entire last half of the second round and
the corner threw in the towel at the bell for round three;
TKO, one second of the third round. Somebody predicted that,
maybe it was CNN.
Red Wings, Flyers, and Canadians all
won, and Shaq was ejected from last night's game against the
Pistons, but Detroit still lost. Jordan hit twenty-two free
throws in the second half to finish with sixty-four points.
It seems like someone predicted that too.
He was confident that he had a good
lead for the rest of the sports, after reviewing the College
football scores. He slid outside for a pinch of copenhagen
and found most of the crowd had left the studio. A couple of
kids were tossing a football and one old gent was stationed
atop a trashcan.
I told you Jordan would get 64 and
Sampson made me a little money popping Johnson with a TKO in
the third.
Steve suddenly realized that this
street person had been the one to forecast the correct scores
and fight outcome. He was not exactly a bum, but he was a
long ways from being clean, his clothes were ragged and
filthy, and it had been a quite a while since his hair had
seen a comb.
"I remember you, LSU over Tulane,
right? And something about the Bears over Green Bay?"
Yep, four over Tulane and put your
money on the Bears, twenty-seven over the Packers.
"Well my friend, I do not, and can
not bet on anything, if I want to stay employed with ESPD.
You must read a lot and spend all your time figuring the
odds. You've been pretty lucky just lately."
No luck to it, and I only allow
myself a few minutes every day listening to your guesses,
which have been pretty sorry until this week.
"Guesses! I'll have you know that
I spend more time checking injury reports, reviewing
practices and scrimmages, and comparing schedules and
outcomes than most people spend sleeping. Nobody can get all
of them correct; I just had a run of bad luck."
Sorry Chad, like I said, there is no
luck involved, just skill. By the way, Penn State is going to
slip by Ohio State next Saturday. You called that one wrong
and Notre Dame is not losing to Michigan State, Irish by
three.
"I've got to get back, but you
might want to lay off the sauce, the Buckeyes should crush
Penn State. I just made a comment, the predictions come
Friday. Take care my friend".
I wished you were a gambling man,
Penn State by 2, and Tiger is going to make up the 6 strokes
and a couple more, It's another Woods victory today at the
TPC with 18 under par. Red Wings won't lose this week.
Steve was able to yell, "Switch to
beer, that wine is pickling your brain" as the studio
door closed.
The rest of the broadcast went
smoothly, but Steve's summary did not repeat his previous
Buckeye victory, rather that the game could be a 'Barn
Burner' and he reminded the fans that the game would be
televised on ESPD II.
7:50 PM Sunday, October14
Steve was checking the paper for apartment
listings that evening and was not paying too much attention
to the TV, until he heard the NFL recap. He folded the paper,
grabbed a beer, and turned the volume up.
"If the Lions are anything, they
are consistent, they lost again, 35 to 21. The Rams keep on
showing why they were SuperBowl winners, 42 to 10 over the
Jets. Bret Farve showed up for the game, but the rest of the
team missed the plane; Bears 27, Packers had the goose
egg."
Steve was getting a strange sensation,
that old dude was dead nuts right again. He realized he was
smiling in amazement, curious about the old boy's methods. He
was thinking he would leave for the studio a little early
tomorrow in hopes of quizzing the old fart some more.
Steve's colleague, Bart Brady, was
closing the broadcast. "Tune in tonight at eleven, when
we will have the results of the NFL Sunday night game and a
full report on Tiger Woods' amazing victory at the TPC."
Steve grabbed the telephone and called
Bart on his direct line. "Let me guess, Tiger finished
at 18 under."
"No guess to it, ABC carried it
live. Yea, the kid is truly a superstar; birdie, eagle, par,
birdie on the last 4 holes. Did you see that chip shot hit
the pin on number……"
6:23 AM Monday, October 15
There weren't many fans outside at that
time of the morning, and worst of all, the old Guru wasn't
there. Steve signed autographs and chatted with the group for
20 minutes. He asked if anybody knew the old guy from this
weekend, but they did not. One kid said the old boy is
sometimes at Ike's Diner, just up the street. With his bum
knee, there was no way for a quick trot to Ike's, so Steve
thanked the crowd and went inside.
Steve wanted to sit down with the old
gent, pick his brain or steal his crystal ball; his
predictions were amazing and not obvious outcomes. It looked
like he would have to wait for next weekend's football
results to see if the old man could keep it up. He would
watch the Red Wing scores; they skated 3 times this week.
Don Douglas left a memo on Steve's
desk: "Good work, you hit eighty-seven percent and the
group was at a solid seventy-eight percent. Keep it up!"
5:45 PM Friday, October 19
The week was predictable; every day the
old man failed to be outside the studio or at Ike's, and
every time the Red Wings played, they won. If the old guy had
just missed one prediction, then you could figure he was
human, but so far he has been perfect.
Steve was hedging his statement about a
Buckeye victory over Penn State, but he just knew the
Spartans would defeat Notre Dame. He was going to have to
make his call and stick with it; he was about to host
"You Make The Call" a viewer call-in show, where
the public compared predictions with Chad and the crew.
As he picked up his index cards
containing all the game notes, he noticed a Campbell's
Mushroom soup label on his desk. It was filthy and sticky and
as he carefully picked it up to place it in the trash, he
noticed some scribble on the back. The print was large and
might have been done with a crayon.
Chad, thought you might
want a little help.
Notre Dame by 3 over
Michigan State 21 - 18
Penn State by 2 over Ohio
State 9 - 7
Michigan by 11 over Iowa 28
- 17
The big upset - Baylor by 6
over Nebraska 24 - 18
Oh yea, The Red Wings
play to a tie Saturday night and there will be a double
fatality at Daytona Sunday!
Steve had to sit down, this guy was not
only giving the spread, he was giving the final score. He is
still picking Penn State and Notre Dame, but he thinks Baylor
(1 - 5) is going to beat Nebraska, who is undefeated. The
Michigan game sounds about right, Red Wings could tie
Colorado, but what is this double fatality at Daytona?
- - 60 Seconds to live.
Steve folded the soup label into his
pocket, went to make-up and then sat down on the set. Then he
did something new for the first time in his ESPD career. He
went with somebody else's predictions for part of his picks.
He called all the rest of the games based on his research,
but he went all the way with the old man, even giving the
Michigan and Michigan State scores.
He was razzed for reversing his Notre
Dame comment from last week, and he was pronounced ready for
the nut house when he opted for Baylor over number two
Nebraska. The callers told him he was drinking too much, he
needed a vacation, and they wanted to know if he would be
interested in a little waterfront property in the Everglades.
Steve just laughed and reminded them that the proof of his
sanity would be on display Saturday afternoon.
1:20 PM Sunday, October 21
Well, for the very first time in the
history of sports broadcasting, a perfect 100% was achieved
for predicting football winners, including being correct on
the final scores of both Michigan teams. Winning the Super
Bowl could not be any sweeter than the glory that rained over
Steve for the last two days. He even got a telephone call
from the President of the United States, and he took it live
during the Saturday recap show.
He was a celebrity; he got telegrams
and calls from Governors and Senators. Don Douglas and the
network Vice President called him, one with news of a
substantial bonus and the other informing him of his new
increased pay rate. With that bonus, he did not have to move,
he'd buy a condo. About time his luck turned around! As an
extra bonus, they were flying him to Miami to do the play by
play for the ESPD Sunday night game. "Bonnie, eat your
heart out!" Steve declared as he drifted off to sleep to
the drone of the Cessna's engines.
"Mr. Sterling. Mr. Sterling, I
need you to buckle your seat belt, we have a little vibration
in the left engine. I going to drop down and get it checked
out, shouldn't take long. We should be out of Daytona in an
hour or less."
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